In other news, this is one of my favorite Twitter happenings to date.
do you ever hear a line in a song and it’s just so painfully clever you just sit there in shock for the remainder of the song
Happy day of the assassination of the archduke Franz Ferdinand! :)
9 hours of studying and I can’t remember my own name but I can remember how to kill a man using a toothbrush so there’s that
the hell kind of classes are you taking?
I’m a forensic criminologist our slogan is “can’t run fast enough to be a serial killer so I’ll just help the police catch them”
Where can I sign up for this class?
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
- do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
- go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
- if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
- look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
- the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
- works every time
"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING
My goal is to be that rich single aunt that flies everywhere and wears designer clothing and brings expensive gifts to her less successful family members
cats can straight up do that double jump video game thing